Miss Helen's Weird West Cabaret
Miss Helen's Weird West Cabaret is the first act in The Ballad of Lost Hollow. It was written by Paul Shapera. It is thematically set in the Wild West. It features Lauren Osborn as Miss Helen, Psyche Chimere as Han-Mi, Rhys Owen as Henry The Alchemist and Studly McMuffinpants (Paul Shapera) as The Sheriff, Hank Hernandez. Cast and Characters Lauren Osborn as "Miss Helen", the hostess of the cabaret who is haunted by a mysterious carnival Psyche Chimere as "Han-Mi", the villain of the cabaret who begins to question her reality Paul Shapera as "Hank", the sheriff of Lost Hollow who mourns his lost werewolf girlfriend Rhys Owen as "Henry", the deputy sheriff of Lost Hollow with a vicious alter-ego Cover art by Sarah DeBuck Plot Miss Helen performs the opening number, introducing the Cabaret and its cast: herself, the hostess; the heroic Sheriff Hank Hernandez; his secretive deputy, Henry the Alchemist; and the villainous Han-Mi, who is unhappy with her portrayal as a "Dragon Lady" (a stereotypically Asian villainess trope). (Opening) Helen attempts to introduce the plot of this week's Cabaret episode, but upon hearing her role in it, Han-Mi rejects that plot in favor of one of her own design. Taking over the role of narrator, Han asks the band to shit into a musical tone that sets the mood for her menacing plan. She intends to incite chaos (by vaccinating babies to turn them into flying zombies) all so she can watch the Sheriff act heroically. Once she is finished, Helen introduces the next number, revolving around the Sheriff. (Han-Mi's Plot) Hank Hernandez, the Sheriff of Lost Hollow is introduced. He tells his tragic backstory; he met and fell in love with a werewolf girl, but when his mother and sisters were kidnapped, she sacrificed her life so that Hank could save them. When Hank finds the man responsible for the kidnappings, he shoots him to death. Hank's mother, now newly "rescued", reveals that the man Hank gunned down was, in fact, his father. (The Sheriff) Han-Mi puts her plan in motion; when Helen arrives back on the stage, her musical number is introduced by Han. (Han-Mi's Intro) Helen sings of her past; she and her sister, Shira, lived with their single, bedridden mother. Eventually, their mother would go mad, and as a result, she was taken by the carnival that lies at the edge of the town. Years passed, during which period Helen and Shira grew up. While Helen was outgoing and did well in school, Shira became more withdrawn and mentally unstable. Eventually, the carnival took her, just as it had taken her mother years before. The remainder of the song is spent by Helen explaining that she feels that the carnival will come for her eventually. (Miss Helen) The story returns to the plot of the Cabaret. Hank arrives with his deputy, Henry The Alchemist, and is informed of Han Mi's plot change after erroneously beginning to tell the plot. The Sheriff goes along with the story. After filling Hank in on the plot details, Helen asks Hank what he thinks of Han; not as a character, but as an actual person. Hank, however, seems to make no distinction between Han and the character she plays, calling her a "detestable scourge", among other things. When Hank and Henry leave, it's revealed Han was listening to the conversation, but denies Helen a chance to talk about it when she tries. Ignoring the conversation with Hank, Helen introduces Han's number once the band finishes showing off. (Interlude) In her song, Han lists off the multitude of stereotypical and racist traits her character was written to have. Through her song, she explains that she's not truly evil, but wants to watch Hank be the hero (echoing her earlier reason behind devising her plot). She also explains how she wants to fix the racist tones her character is written with. Finally, she expresses an existential crisis; she's apparently unaware of any existence outside the Cabaret, and this makes her feel trapped, as she notes that her pleas for help are just seen as part of an act rather than her speaking out-of-character. (Han Mi) This does not go unheard by Helen, who attempts to console Han. When Han begins to sing the carnival song sung by Shira and Helen's mother years before, Helen panics and stops her, then promises to stop the show for Han's sake. Suddenly, Henry the Alchemist starts singing, but is confused by the lack of musical accompaniment. Helen explains the situation and how she's about to stop the show. Henry is upset by this, considering how long he's prepared for this moment. Empathizing with him, Helen decides to prolong the show just long enough for Henry to sing his song. (Interlude 2) ]] Henry tells the audience about his past: As a shy, young, gay man, he was confused by his feelings until meeting his boyfriend, Evan. Science was his favorite thing, particularly alchemy. One day, his town was attacked by monsters coming in through a portal, so Henry decided to concoct a potion that would allow him to defeat them. When he drank it and nothing happened, he was resigned to his eventual fate. He and Evan decided to have sex one more time before they died, but this triggered a change in Henry. Something within him was unleashed: Hurl, Henry's rambunctious alter-ego, who fought and killed all of the monsters. Henry woke up some time later, 70 miles from home and surrounded by unconscious, naked men. Henry then reveals the true nature of Hurl; whenever Henry is aroused and has an erection, he becomes Hurl. Hurl will fight any monsters that plague the area, but soon after he inevitably kills them, rather than relinquishing control of the body to Henry, he goes on benders that last for days or weeks at a time. During these periods, he'll go wild, drinking heavily and having sex. Lots and lots of sex. It is this lack of restraint that Henry hates about Hurl, and he vows to prevent himself from becoming aroused to the point where Hurl takes over. An indeterminate time later, the citizens of his town beg him to turn into Hurl to stop a monster. After the townspeople do various things to make Henry horny, Hurl appears and slays the monster. However, when Henry regains control of the body, the townspeople are apparently so appalled by Hurl's behavior that they shun him. Evan breaks up with him because Hurl's behavior disgusts him and the nature of Hurl means he couldn't be physically intimate with Henry. Some time later, Hurl is unleashed once more, and after a 2-week bender, Henry finds himself in Lost Hollow, ever fearful of when Hurl will resurface. (Henry the Alchemist) Helen and Han congratulate Henry on his performance, but Henry, knowing that something about the song is bothering Han, asks what it is. She criticizes the subtext of the song - the fact that Henry's part is a gay man characterized by his dangerous and disruptive sexual urges, which carries the implication that he'd be normal provided he doesn't express his sexuality. Despite the protests of Helen, Han criticizes the song's subtext further, and asks Henry to speak to the writer. Henry agrees, but then he realizes he doesn't know who the writer is. Han turns to Helen, who seems to know no more than Henry. After Han questions Helen a bit more, Helen worries that the carnival will come; in spite of this, she attempts to stop the show just as she's interrupted by Hank, who has something important to tell Han. (The Beginning of the End) Hank attempts to seduce Han through a serenade. (Seduction) Han's response is a song in which she essentially makes it clear that there are many things about the Cabaret that she recognizes as not real, including Hank's apparent newfound lust for her. In the last moments of the song, Hank catches on; he realizes something's not quite right, and repeats Han's words from the song's beginning. (Dream a Dream) ] Helen explains that while she's responsible for Cabaret existing, she has no clue what's going on past the fact that the Cabaret puts on shows. However, she refuses to question the reality of the Cabaret, citing the Carnival as an incentive to stay silent on the matter. Han comes to the conclusion that not only is the Cabaret unreal, it's also causing the apparent lapses in memory that prevent the cast from remembering anything outside of the shows. Helen calls out for someone outside of the play to speak to them. Henry announces that he's been studying the stage itself, and reveals that there are no doors, and that attempting to leave through one side of the stage will just spit them back out through the other. He concludes that the play is a maze, a prison for him, and cites this as a reason to continue the show and ignore this unreality. Helen agrees and reiterates her earlier point of not questioning reality. Han explains to them that they both have false memories that prevent them from breaking out of the psychological loop of the Cabaret. She suggests they stop the show until someone speaks to them, and then calls for someone to speak to the cast. Hank continues to serenade Han, but Han brings him back to his senses. When he comes back to his senses, he asks Han whether there's anything she still sees as real. She replies that he is real to her, and that this thought is what she has clung to in order to remain grounded. Eventually, their singing ends with them all calling out for someone to speak to them. A few seconds of silence later, the voice of an AI asks them if they wish to initiate dialogue, then denies them the opportunity to do so and cryptically says that the performance is terminated. (Finale) Soundtrack Trivia * The Carnival that comes for those who seek the truth is featured in the next part of The Ballad of Lost Hollow. The Carnival mentioned is ran by Raven.